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Jenni Roditi
from: Jenni Roditi
Category: Chakra

Creative DNA

One of the things I have consistently found mind bending over the years as a creative musician is how to hold 'as one' all the different roles I have played professionally as a musician. 
The wish to hold 'as one' is a wish to feel whole and complete as an artist and more than that as a human being, primarily engaged with life through sound and music. As a composer as well as a performer, as well as a therapist/facilitator/healer - as well as a poet, I often find that I am immersed in one or maybe two roles for months at a time, for example composer and facilitator in which case my performing mentality - the energy and the vitality of that side of me - are completely missing from my awareness. I totally forget that I am able to deliver a high standard performance, wow an audience, let go in the moment to the magic of music making etc I am busy on the computer scoring or focussed on another's journey in a voice session. 

The wish to hold 'as one' continues to call me towards new ways in which I may discover a more satisfying integration of the cross disciplined nature of what I do.  

Not long ago I sang a song of mine at a memorial concert. After the concert a few people came up to me and said how touched they were by the song. They asked for a CD and if I was doing any concerts of that kind of music. I said no - to both questions. The song was four years old and this was perhaps its third outing. In the intervening four years I had hardly touched the guitar - on which it was written - and my role was entirely focussed on composing not on gigging my 'lite' repertoire. Not that I am belittling a simple love song as 'lite'. Maybe it says more than my more sophisticated music ever can. But, my focus had been elsewhere. 

When you get nice feedback like people wanting a CD it does warrant pause for thought. As I paused I realized that it was outside my current remit to allow myself to embrace the simplicity of my more folk based style. I was saddened as I saw that I had cut out that bandwidth from my inner musical radar. I have to work hard energetically to shift and sing a song when I am working at the computer on a big score. 

I talked with my partner Jaz about this in the car driving back from the memorial service. He of course was saying why don't you get on with it and make a CD - do some gigs - etc - and I was shifting uneasily inside having spent the last three months revising my second opera at the computer. I felt all lopsided. But at the same time I was reflecting lightly and openly with Jaz. The memorial service had been very moving and - though I hardly knew the deceased woman, I had been deeply moved by the outpouring of love from her family and friends. 

I tried to get inside the minds of the people who had been touched by my song. And instead of thinking of it as a song - it became more like a ballad. A word I had shunned for years. Too old school - I would say to myself. I said "I'm a balladeer". Jaz said - "like a ballerina" - and then I said "balladina!" 

This lovely new word - balladina - seemed to give my simple folk song a new life. It also gave me more resonance again with that part of my musical nature. Having found that fresh new word I wondered again how to feel 'as one' in my musical world. The thought continued for the next twenty four hours or so. The next night I was fairly wound up about the non - 'as oneness' I was feeling musically. But the balladina word felt like some kind of key. That night I managed to identify seven core states from which I work creatively. Each one calls forth different energy and expression from me. The seven states are: 

1. Healer
2. Operatic/Epic
3. Balladina
4. Composer
5. Experimental Vocalist
6. Therapist/Facilitator
7. Poet

Even just to list these seven core states is a big relief for me. At last I can see what I am working with here. But Jaz could see there was more to get out of me. He said "obviously these states interact with each other - lets find out how much each of these core states has an influence on the other. How much overlap is there? How much distance is there?".

Jaz so happens to have created a programme that looks into the energy and purpose behind people's core intentions. He adapted the programme to play with the seven states I had listed. 

But first he asked me to make one additional layer to my overview. "Which state belongs to which chakra?" he asked me. WOW. Great question! I allocated the states. 

1. Healer   CROWN
2. Operatic/Epic   THIRD EYE
3. Balladina   THROAT
4. Composer  HEART
5. Experimental Vocalist  SOLAR PLEXUS
6. Therapist/Facilitator  SACRAL
7. Poet   ROOT

You can see below the result of the analysis.  What was particularly exciting for both of us about this process was that the night in question when this matrix was being created was my 49th birthday! That's - yes, seven sevens!

Posted: 30 Sep 2010 By: Andrew Hodges Andrew Hodges

This writing is wonderful! And what's more it has touched me. The 'seven' for me is hugely important as is the question of personal integration for me as a musician. 'Seven' because my biggest, deepest and most overwhelming 'learns' come in cycles of seven years. Integration because, like you, as a musician, in this life, I have lived it in 'parts', not quite sure who I am at core. In the last few years it's come together and I now find myself in that integrated space at long last. The Chakras are a key model for me - Jan, my partner, who is a yoga teacher of many, many years experience, has been my teacher.

Posted: 30 Sep 2010 By: Jenni Roditi Jenni Roditi

Thanks Andrew!
Cycles of seven also rings for me in terms of life learnings and growings.. !

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