I’m pretty psyched about my new book, Sound & Breath for Autonomic Balance. I’m self-publishing and it should be available in the beginning of 2026.
A big deal about this book stems from a book rejection from a cherished previous publisher. While they gave me the kindest rebuff I’ve ever received, their nonacceptance actually provided a pivotal lesson. They told me that it was problematic that I was essentially out of my lane. “You’re not a nervous system expert,” they said, “…even though you are highly regarded in sound.” If I gave them a “sound” book, they said, “It would help to sell it.” Makes good sense to me because publishing is a business and people want to read authorities.
However, the takeaway I'm considering in all this is what does it really mean to play outside your lane?
I've learned that it’s usually safer inside my lane. We all know about that and how secure and certain that feels. Security is a sense of safety.
I've spoken a bit in the past about how important it is to not be so identified with your thing, your lane… be it the gig, the instrument, your image, presentation, etc. So many times, I've found that my gig or relationship came to define me. In fact, the me that has developed a facility on an instrument, or written certain books, is not all there is about me. The way I see it, we're dynamic beings – always expanding and changing. Sometimes I'm strong; other times I'm weak. Sometimes, I'm sure; other times I need to be in a different groove, and I don't know what it is. These are universal feelings.
I'm talking about ego identification: I am defined by __________ (fill in the blank). I've come to see that the me who sometimes must make it up is actually an important component of being a sonic activist. Let’s ground this spiritual/psychological/conceptual piece in what do you do as a soundworker who has to treat a community and you really don't know about how to do any of this. This state of mind/confusion/acceptance is truly being out of your lane!
Breathing helps.
I Will Know What To Do (Please…)
Understanding that the me who has become so proficient on the piano, and the me who identifies as a bowl player, singer, or expert, etc., and the me who can synthesize ideas and write a book, is the same me who can walk out in front of a group of unknown people and trust that I will know what to do. It's beyond the comfort zone of ego identification that we, as artists, keep pushing ourselves.
When I used to keynote conferences, I would always silently ask for some kind of guidance (from somewhere??) as I would step out on the stage. I remember once walking out with absolutely no idea of what to do or say, and I just stood there, like a rock, absolutely quiet… and the entire audience became so still. I remember tearing up because I was scared, while at the same time overwhelmed with the experience of not knowing and going for it anyway.
The ensuing conversation between me and the audience went deep and it was about tuning into what was called for and needed. I eventually wove this back into what the audience was expecting from me, but the unanticipated opening rocked us all and laid the foundation for a wonderfully vulnerable, yet valuable time.
My respected colleague, Chloe Goodchild, eloquently puts it this way: "...the essential power & purpose in embodying/presencing/welcoming/ embracing the moment and the unknown outcome… Everyone is invited/empowered to share responsibility for the communication. That generates aliveness and transforms the situation from a safe and predictable outcome to a shared, unknown destiny."
The point of all this is to encourage you to be stable and strong "out of your lane."
You are not your instrument or gig.
You are a channel for truth and I believe that if you trust that, you will always know what to do. Afterall, authenticity is the name of the game. It's a gamble but you will always win. And you, my fellow actors, musicians, soundworkers, and performers, know that if you get honest with your audience, they will respond in kind and tell you what they need.
It seems like it is a tricky trust play… but it always works, doesn't it? It doesn't hurt to have something in your pocket, but I've found that this trust that you will know what to do always works, and the pocket is there only for your sense of egoic security, and that's all.
Trusting and Letting Go
Talking about things like this is stepping out of my lane. Writing a book about the autonomic nervous system is stepping out of my lane. Moving across the country to an unknown place is stepping out of my lane. We all have so many examples in our lives when we knew that we had the question but not necessarily the answer… and we went for it anyway!
Each of us have stories of when we've attempted to shake it loose and step outside our lane. If we feel like we have failed, then it is probably because we folded and didn't keep going. Playing outside your lane is not for the meek of heart, but a major life lesson, at that! It makes us who we are. It gives us confidence. It makes us stronger. Playing outside our lane, we learn to trust.
Joshua Leeds is a US-based author, music producer, and sound researcher. His books include The Power of Sound, Through a Dog’s Ear, and Sound & Breath for Autonomic Balance.
www.joshualeeds.com
© 2025 Joshua Leeds. All rights reserved.
